Month: August 2020

I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Each of us, by the simple virtue of our baptism, are called to spread the Gospel. As terrifying as that may sound, first I ask you to look at your faith as a special gift, your most prized possession, but this gift is something you are called to share with each person you encounter in your life. Some of us may have had times where we didn’t appreciate the gift that is faith, we may have put it on the shelf, and we may have at times had to clear the dust and cobwebs from this most valuable gift, we should be reminded of our child like energy and awe when we received something that we treasured, we should want to show it to everyone with the same desire of an excited three year old with a new toy but with wisdom, grace and compassion.

In this Sunday’s readings we see in the Old Testament the prophet Jeremiah puts to words many of our own frustrations or fears in trying to share the faith with others. Is our faith something that is burning within our very bones crying out to be proclaimed to the world? Or are we hiding our gift because of ridicule or fear? 

Some of the common questions or thoughts that come up when we think about Evangelization center on how intimidating it can be to engage in Evangelization. Many of us think we have to be a professional or that the ‘job’ of evangelization belongs to the head of religious education in our parishes or to the priests and deacons, those who went through years of education and training. Our training is given to us in the very words that Christ gave us in the Gospel, our training is the training he gave the disciples – his very message. We must seek out to become stronger in our knowledge of the faith. This knowledge of the faith, is a weapon against the fear that often we must battle when it comes to actively evangelizing and sharing the good news. We must also remember charity in our evangelization, we must be mindful of where people are and attempt to meet them where they are and draw them to Christ and not bludgeon them with the faith. I recall a time in my own life, far from Christ, that I encountered a street preacher in New Orleans he stood on a crate on Bourbon Street with a large sign with a list of all the types of people who he believed were going to Hell and he was screaming at people as they passed by calling them sinners, I don’t know if he ever brought anyone to conversion or to Christ but I know for me he did more to turn me away from Christ then towards Christ. In contrast, one of the times I was greatly and successfully evangelized to was a priest, who is a significant father figure to me, telling me five simple words: “I am proud of you”.  We evangelize in subtle ways in the kindness and compassion we show others, in allowing people to see us as people of prayer and faith; from there we can begin to lead others to the prized gift that is the redemption of Christ. Evangelization must begin with the development of our own lives and conforming ourselves to Christ and we must be solidly centered in prayer. In other words, first we must evangelize to ourselves and let others evangelize us for it is in strengthening our own relationship with Christ that we can share his message and love with others.

I invite you to know Christ more fully and to share with other’s the beauty and gift that is the faith. 

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Note: This was originally written for a grad school assignment.

I have been through quite a bit of trauma in my life. I obviously am not going to go into any great detail here, but let’s just say it was pretty ugly. And those sins against me caused a lot of problems in my life and in my relationships. Now, I am in no way saying that I am completely healed and perfect in any way… nope still have a LONG way to go. What I am saying is that I have received a radical amount of healing to my soul.

Because I *finally* LET God reach in to the broken parts and my bruised and battered heart and start to put the pieces that both my abusers and myself had damaged and broken apart through various sins. Now if you are waiting for me to reveal some juicy sins or drama, I am not going to, suffice it to say when I sat down and committed to find some sort of peace or something… I prayed in Adoration, in desperation, I asked God to do whatever he needed to, to use all things in my life, to replace my heart of stone with a heart for love.

I didn’t know what that would mean at the time, I didn’t know what kinds of purification I would endure here in the World, what I hoped for at the moment was just enough peace internally that I could survive my time on this Earth, what I got was far more then that.

What I received from God was that *I* was the pearl of great price, *I* was the one sheep that He left the 99 to go find.

That *I* had worth and was valued and loved.

The damage that had been done to me through sin was an awful burden, one that I can only describe as being weighed down by every darkness I had ever encountered. This weight on my soul took its toll even on my physical body. Recently someone who hadn’t seen me for a few months was around, and commented that I “looked taller”, which is a bit odd because as I am in my 40’s I’m not exactly going to have a growth spurt. But in reality what this person saw was that I did not seem as weighed down, I wasn’t slumping or trying to appear “smaller” in the way I stand or sit.

I was healed by God in a Radical way, by His Radical Love of me and continual pursuit of me. Now what does all of this mean? It means that my tendency to beat myself up over every error or failing of mine has become almost null – its more rare than it’s ever been. Instead I feel genuine sorrow for my sins and the things I do that harm others.

Learning how to LET myself be loved has been one of the hardest things in my life. Learning how to view myself as having value and worthy of love and being treated with dignity is the other. Having those to wounds, my deepest and most painful wounds, the ones that have festered the longest, having these wounds healed in an extraordinary way is breath taking. Like any human I tend to pick at the scab every once in a while, but overall the wounds have been closed.

The medicine for this great healing?

Prayer, not audible rote prayers, but meditative prayer and lectio divina, followed by frequent confession, spiritual direction, and Therapy. Yes Therapy. While the great majority of this post has been about the Spiritual healing of my soul. The physical healing of my mental wounds has also happened.

I have explored in great detail my grief, my trauma, my own issues with anger and resentment, my tendency to beat myself up mentally, my issues with trust and my fear and my PTSD. I still have work to do both in my faith life and with my past trauma. But I have come so far from where I was.